12 rules
In a recent Insta post I jotted down my current twelve rules for life. I shall endeavour to expand on them here. Strong opinions. Loosely held.
“I should have asked you questions. I should have asked you how to be”. So goes the song. So goes my internal monologue as I watch my mother slip into forgetting. Too late now. No doubt we all live by some unarticulated code. I herewith contribute my imperfect and in progress thoughts.
1 lead with the punchline.
This first rule, and yes, placed intentionally at the top, refers to my impatience. And also my belief that much of the rest of the world, at least the corporate world, shares that impatience. So, please, dear writers and speakers, do not bury the headline. Calling from my mom’s residence? Start with the punchline ‘everything is ok but…’
2 embrace uncertainty.
This one is meant to remind of two things. No matter how sure and confident one is, consider the possibility that one might be wrong. Better yet, invite others to disagree. Conversely, when wrestling our darkest doubts, this rule is meant to steady us as we linger in the uncomfortable state of not knowing.
3 good thing that happened.
Inspired subconsciously by wabi-sabi and even Murphy’s law. When, not if, things go wrong, lean in. Find the redeeming value. Dog peed on the floor? Clean an area twice the size. Mom diagnosed with dementia? Pour your heart out on the Internet and help build community amongst strangers.
4 perfection bores.
One of the best lessons my mom shared with me. Not only does it free one of the relentless tyranny of inadequacy, it welcomes a ‘done counts’ mindset. I will admit that it has not entirely freed me of my borderline neurotic tendencies to edit [as I did in this essay]. But such is the way with this perfection shunning rule that its adoption is not boring.
5 you get one exclamation mark in your life. use it wisely.
Yes. I have a rule about that. Don’t take my word for it, this one comes courtesy of Hemingway. Before you dismiss it as “not applicable!”, at least consider restraint in this excitable punctuation; let your words do the exclaiming. And if you still insist this rule is just a little too much, please see rule 6.
6 don’t take yourself too seriously.
Speaking of controversy. Wear the crazy glasses. Wear too many bracelets. Smile too much. Wear the hoodie to the office. Don’t master the perfect selfie angle. Keep your idiosyncrasies. And wear socks that make you smile.
7 don’t gamble what you aren’t willing to lose.
This one seems self-evident, but let us ponder nonetheless. This rule is not to not gamble, just not with the stuff that matters. Like being reckless with others feelings. ‘Nough said.
8 you have to be really good to … and I am that good.
The key in this rule is the pause. And it’s key that it’s spoken to yourself, when you least feel it. Sweater inside out all day? Something stuck in your teeth? Wore mismatched socks? Hair not quite right? Try this phrase on yourself. Thank me later.
9 if you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.
Go ahead. Contradict yourself. Buck tradition. You-know-what the patriarchy. Take chances (but do keep rule 7 in mind).
10 repetition doesn’t spoil the prayer.
This rule too covers some previous ground. As it should, being on repetition and all. If it’s funny once, it’s funny every time. By which I mean to acknowledge the power of community in which a shared history is amplified, ideally with laughter. After all, if it’s funny once, it’s funny every time. And if it’s not funny the first time, it’s nearly always type II fun.
11 1,2,3,4
This one speaks to the inevitable drudgery of life. All signs point to the fact that the majority of victories are the result of simple, dogged perseverance. It is the reminder that when all else fails, often, the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other is sufficient. Just keep swimming.
12 don’t be an asshole.
No, actually, we are not called to be saints. We are not required to adhere to standards not even Mother Teresa could have sustained. Rather, I believe, it is enough to strive for a more modest goal. An uncomplicated, within reach ambition that we can all keep in mind and work on every day: don’t be an asshole.